Blog on the bog

Whether you're perched on a toilet in Kilmarnock, a lavatory in Benghazi, a bog in Caerphilly, or a loo in Darwin, the smallest room is often a sanctuary for ponderous thought.

Uranus Wiper champions this reflective ritual with premium bamboo toilet rolls that transform even the most mundane moments into an act of eco-consciousness. Twice monthly, our restroom raconteur, Whoopsie Gruntfuttock, delivers thought-provoking musings from her commode, equipped with nothing but our eco-friendly, soft, and strong toilet tissue, an iPad, and a smattering of today's top stories.

Get ready for blog posts that cut through the crap with the same ease as our quilted toilet roll. Tune in for a flush of insights that’ll leave your mind as refreshed as your bottom. Enjoy the read with Uranus Wiper – the ultimate bamboo toilet paper for discerning bottoms of our United Kingdom.

Loose tigers, hippos in the garage — Oh, and tips for avoiding vampires!

I learned from my news feed this week of a tiger at large in Houston, Texas — roaming the streets like a quarter-tonne tabby cat, it was. I am regularly amazed by people's choice of exotic pets. I mean, where do they buy them? Surely there can't be any pet store with a tiger in the window, nestled between the dwarf rabbits and the Gerbils, with a '£500 (Or Nearest Offer)' sign round its neck.
Inverted Rhino, Anyone?

Nor is the rhinoceros the only large animal likely to do you harm unless treated with respect.
Let’s have three cheers for lactobacillus!

There is a war going on, in case you didn’t notice, inside us. It’s a millions-of-years-old conflict between clashing clans of bacteria.
Would you step forward for science?

There has never been a shortage of volunteers for scientific research; however it might appear out of left field.
Sid, Doris, N'doogoo and the Tiddlywink Lady

Two news items caught my eye this week. A major online news outlet reported that surgeons recently removed a tiddlywink from the nose of a 45-year-old New Zealand woman. And one of the UK red tops told us the sorry tale of a bloke who got hammered and recklessly changed his name for a bet.
Climate Change

“If Climate Change is real…then why am I cold?”